Posts Tagged ‘family constellations’

What Do You Do When You Don’t Like Your Family?

Recently, I met with a client who has lots of trouble with her family. She frequently feels a heaviness in her chest…a great sadness.  She also has trouble in her marriage, is already on her third marriage, and is finding it hard to be independent and successful in life.

Where does all this come from?

When we look at both sides of her family, there is great sadness.  Her maternal grandmother lost her mother at 9 or 10, and then was sent by her father to live with a distant aunt.  My client recalls this grandmother as a woman who is laughing all the time; even inappropriately.  My client’s mother is sad and lonely and distant with her daughter.

The client’s father is the oldest of two live children, and about the 4th or 5th of siblings, with twins dying young, and a few miscarriages in between.  Dad became overly close to his mother and she could do no wrong in his eyes.  He was a mommy’s boy and not really fully available to anyone else.  His mom was very sad.

What was beautiful was that this woman, my client, saw the sadness, and also saw and KNEW that much of this wasn’t really hers.  Here she had spent most of her life feeling sad and lonely.  By the way, I forgot to mention that she is also too close to her dad, and is a daddy’s girl.

She looked at all the sadness before her and behind her, and the distance and sadness in her mother and in both grandmothers and she knew that was what she was feeling.

Yet, this family IS hers.  If she gets too close to all this sadness, she feels it and takes it in, and she has spent much of her life trying to stay away from it.  Instead, she saw that by getting close enough to the sadness to see it, she realized that it was theirs, and not hers.  She could leave it with them.  When she stayed away from it, she felt it the most.  The distance she was away from the pain was the distance she was from herself and others.

So what do you do when you don’t like your family?  You get closer.

Until next time.  I hope this timely post helps you all through the holidays!

With abundant care,
Gail

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

I just finished facilitating a workshop this past weekend and was so moved by how much love was in the room, and how we, as individuals, love so deeply even when we may not know we are doing so. What I mean by that is that sometimes we love a family member by being mad at them or rejecting them, or by carrying anxiety just like their uncle, or by feeling unloved and left just like their grandmother. I know this is a different way of looking at love; but it is oh so powerful!

There was a woman who felt like she just didn’t know who she was; she felt ungrounded in herself and didn’t know why. Even looking at her body language, she was always with one or both legs folded underneath her; not feeling the ground beneath her.

She was loving her namesake, her grandmother, by feeling left out, unloved and unsure of herself…just like her grandmother.

There was a woman who was moved to tears by seeing the trauma and fear, and urge to die that her mother felt when she was growing up. This was an image she didn’t carry of her mother before.

Not only do we blindly carry love for our family members by how we may be feeling, but we also see the power of love to heal past traumas. When the flow of love is open, there is so much possible, and so much hope.

Here is hoping we all have a loving Thanksgiving and find a new way for love to flow in ourselves and in our families,

The Best To You All,
Gail

What If You Can’t Attain Reconciliation?

I have a workshop coming up here in St. Louis on the 13th of this month. This workshop focuses on trauma and its effects on us. Actually it also encompasses reconciliation, and the power that gives us.   But sometimes something happens and there can be no reconciliation. What then?

This can happen when there is a loss of a great love, or when the rift between child and parent is too great, or when there has been a great injustice done to you or a family member. So, what do you do?  I was just with a client today and I was doing what I call a body constellation with her. Her shoulder and chest were very tight and sore and she had some reduced motion in her arm. First of all, I told her that this area of her body often represents love and heart issues. She told me that she always felt she didn’t get enough and carries weight and food issues. She can’t tell when she has had enough to eat. She just stops when she thinks she has had enough. She quickly jumped to the question, what can she do about it? Her mother never was able to give her enough and that doesn’t change. I told her yes, and can she just be with those feelings? Instead of jumping quickly into an outward action, can she take the inward, gentle, “being with her feelings” action?

Yes, she was able to and tears came to her eyes, and I felt her chest and arm soften beneath my hands.

Sometimes that is all we have to do: to acknowledge our pain and our truth. Does it change the past? Does it help to feel in your body, and to just know that what happened was the truth and that it still lives in you?  I then took her to a birth experience where she remembered how it felt to be held as an infant. I worked with her body to remember how it was, as I simultaneously gave her a new experience where she was held softly, gently and yet firmly, and felt safe.

Here, the healing moment is in recognizing the truth, and just saying to herself (and to her mother in her mind and heart), that was the way it was, and it couldn’t be different. You did the best you could do at the time, and so did I. The reconciliation was in the body work that gave her a new experience to take forward…still carrying and honoring what was.  I guess you could say this was more of an agreement and acceptance than reconciliation.

Sometimes that is all we can do, and it is enough.

I welcome your stories and experiences. Please feel free to share.

Until next time,
Gail

Family Constellations

  • Family Constellation Work with Gail Cloud DCDo you want to stop the pain and fear once and for all
  • Do you wonder if it will ever stop
  • Do you fear things and don’t know where the fear comes from
  • Do you stay awake at night worrying
  • Do you have performance anxiety, or other anxieties that keep you from your life, performance, sleep

With these questions and issues comes the feeling that we are disconnected, or in a trance, where we can’t figure out where this is coming from, and can’t seem to do things any differently. We can’t figure out the cause of these problems, and we go from practitioner to practitioner looking for an answer.

The secret key is located within your own dysfunctional family. How many of you “dis” your family because of the pain, or abuse ? Maybe the answers lie in looking at your “dys”functional family in a different, and bigger light.

Family and soul constellation therapy is revolutionary work founded by Bert Hellinger.

It is a necessary tool for healing, especially when all else has failed. It helps us make huge shifts when we have been stuck.

Who benefits from this work? Certainly, we all do, but especially we benefit when we struggle with issues, which are extremely relevant to ourselves.

There is a solution, and it within this revolutionary work. It is revolutionary because it deals with our souls and the souls of our ancestors, and not just our physical bodies. It is revolutionary because our concern becomes more than with ourselves. Our concern is with our family members, past, present, and future, and whether we know them or not.

It is revolutionary because the solution deals with consciousness instead of unconsciousness, and with new images replacing old images and gaining a greater perspective into our relationships, and the relationships of our ancestors.

The solution comes with seeing how we sometimes carry the burden of our ancestors as though it were ours, blindly; without knowing. It comes with seeing how we are blindly loyal to a certain family member by carrying their pain or illness or depression, as if it were ours. For example: there is the woman who rejected her mother because she perceived her as being distant and hurtful to her. It is revealed through the constellation that her mother was distant to protect herself from further pain because of the lost first child, which died at birth. The daughter then can’t succeed in having a child.

There is the man who carries such sadness, and doesn’t know why, and it is revealed that his father blamed himself for the loss of his comrades in war.

In an instant, this new intrinsic image replaces old ones, and compassion enters our hearts for our parents, in this case. This is so powerful, and so true.

So, now we feel relief from our pain, and we can experience joy, where we experienced sadness. We can experience intimacy in relationships; we can allow ourselves to feel good instead of pain, etc.

So what if you could free yourself from old patterns and destructive behaviors?

If you are ready to learn how unconscious loyalties keep you from achieving your hearts desires, and how invisible patterns and destructive loyalties can be replaced with clear insights that can profoundly impact happiness, joy, health, and relationships, then tune into this work. There are many facilitators around the country trained in this revolutionary work. One such facilitator is Gail Cloud, D.C. she is located in St. Louis, MO., and is available for presentations, workshops, individual and group work.

One Family Mapping Session
Cost: $150.00

A Family Constellation, interactive family mapping, is about a 60-minute group process that has the power to heal generations of suffering and unhappiness.

A participant will choose others from the group to represent certain family members, and they are mapping out in front of us. The representatives then experience feelings and movements in their bodies, which show hidden relationships and dynamics with the family system; and they move. The facilitator attempts to restore love and dignity and respect between all members of the family, especially those that have been excluded or forgotten because of pain, humiliation, etc. As reconciliation is achieved, then the strength and love in the family can flow in a new way.

Workshop

Often we work with the dynamics of pain, unhappiness, addictions, illness, relationship struggles, the ravages of war and other dysfunctions we carry with us, unintentionally, to bring more wholeness and lightness to ourselves and our children.

Most of us will receive a family mapping experience, image, which bypasses our usual thought processes and allows us to see beyond the stories we tell of our family to a greater perspective and one which shows hidden loyalties and dynamics in our families.

This can change, in an instant, years of past suffering

Mark Wolynn, the Director of The Hellinger Institute of Western Pennsylvania, and a Trainer in the field of this work, teaches four day Intensives in levels 1 through 5, designed to provide a working knowledge of the principles, and practical aspects and applications of Bert Hellinger’s Approach. Students learn to explore their personal as well as their client’s most complex and difficult issues. They will also learn to expand the traditional family tree to include those members whose exclusion or rejection has caused discord in the system. Other topics include Orders of Precedence, the 3 levels of conscience, what creates bonding and belonging in the system, systemic messages, that keep us mired in destructive patterns, and more.

Upon completion, students will be able to apply this practice in their own practices with groups, couples, and individuals. By attending any 5 of the 4-day modules offered, students will receive a certificate of completion!

Contact Gail to set up your individual session,
or to discuss how to work with her NOW,
at 314-995-9755, or email,
gail@gailcloud.com

  • Do you want to stop the pain and fear once and for all
  • Do you wonder if it will ever stop
  • Do you fear things and don’t know where the fear comes from
  • Do you stay awake at night worrying
  • Do you have performance anxiety, or other anxieties that keep you from your life, performance, sleep

With these questions and issues comes the feeling that we are disconnected, or in a trance, where we can’t figure out where this is coming from, and can’t seem to do things any differently. We can’t figure out the cause of these problems, and we go from practitioner to practitioner looking for an answer.

The secret key is located within your own dysfunctional family. How many of you “dis” your family because of the pain, or abuse ? Maybe the answers lie in looking at your “dys”functional family in a different, and bigger light.

Family and soul constellation therapy is revolutionary work founded by Bert Hellinger.

It is a necessary tool for healing, especially when all else has failed. It helps us make huge shifts when we have been stuck.

Who benefits from this work? Certainly, we all do, but especially we benefit when we struggle with issues, which are extremely relevant to ourselves.

There is a solution, and it within this revolutionary work. It is revolutionary because it deals with our souls and the souls of our ancestors, and not just our physical bodies. It is revolutionary because our concern becomes more than with ourselves. Our concern is with our family members, past, present, and future, and whether we know them or not.

It is revolutionary because the solution deals with consciousness instead of unconsciousness, and with new images replacing old images and gaining a greater perspective into our relationships, and the relationships of our ancestors.

The solution comes with seeing how we sometimes carry the burden of our ancestors as though it were ours, blindly; without knowing. It comes with seeing how we are blindly loyal to a certain family member by carrying their pain or illness or depression, as if it were ours. For example: there is the woman who rejected her mother because she perceived her as being distant and hurtful to her. It is revealed through the constellation that her mother was distant to protect herself from further pain because of the lost first child, which died at birth. The daughter then can’t succeed in having a child.

There is the man who carries such sadness, and doesn’t know why, and it is revealed that his father blamed himself for the loss of his comrades in war.

In an instant, this new intrinsic image replaces old ones, and compassion enters our hearts for our parents, in this case. This is so powerful, and so true.

So, now we feel relief from our pain, and we can experience joy, where we experienced sadness. We can experience intimacy in relationships; we can allow ourselves to feel good instead of pain, etc.

So what if you could free yourself from old patterns and destructive behaviors?

If you are ready to learn how unconscious loyalties keep you from achieving your hearts desires, and how invisible patterns and destructive loyalties can be replaced with clear insights that can profoundly impact happiness, joy, health, and relationships, then tune into this work. There are many facilitators around the country trained in this revolutionary work. One such facilitator is Gail Cloud, D.C. she is located in St. Louis, MO., and is available for presentations, workshops, individual and group work.

One Family Mapping Session
Cost: $150.00

A Family Constellation, interactive family mapping, is about a 60-minute group process that has the power to heal generations of suffering and unhappiness.

A participant will choose others from the group to represent certain family members, and they are mapping out in front of us. The representatives then experience feelings and movements in their bodies, which show hidden relationships and dynamics with the family system; and they move. The facilitator attempts to restore love and dignity and respect between all members of the family, especially those that have been excluded or forgotten because of pain, humiliation, etc. As reconciliation is achieved, then the strength and love in the family can flow in a new way.

Workshop

Often we work with the dynamics of pain, unhappiness, addictions, illness, relationship struggles, the ravages of war and other dysfunctions we carry with us, unintentionally, to bring more wholeness and lightness to ourselves and our children.

Most of us will receive a family mapping experience, image, which bypasses our usual thought processes and allows us to see beyond the stories we tell of our family to a greater perspective and one which shows hidden loyalties and dynamics in our families.

This can change, in an instant, years of past suffering

Mark Wolynn, the Director of The Hellinger Institute of Western Pennsylvania, and a Trainer in the field of this work, teaches four day Intensives in levels 1 through 5, designed to provide a working knowledge of the principles, and practical aspects and applications of Bert Hellinger’s Approach. Students learn to explore their personal as well as their client’s most complex and difficult issues. They will also learn to expand the traditional family tree to include those members whose exclusion or rejection has caused discord in the system. Other topics include Orders of Precedence, the 3 levels of conscience, what creates bonding and belonging in the system, systemic messages, that keep us mired in destructive patterns, and more.

Upon completion, students will be able to apply this practice in their own practices with groups, couples, and individuals. By attending any 5 of the 4-day modules offered, students will receive a certificate of completion!

Contact Gail to set up your individual session,
or to discuss how to work with her NOW,
at 314-995-9755, or email,
gail@gailcloud.com